Why? Why? Why?

Never a final answer; never a last word.

I sat in the dark and wrote words that I cannot see only hoping that I can finally express me. I want to release this anger; I want to let go of the pain. By writing simple words on the paper; my peace I hope to gain. I write these words in sorrow; I write these words in vain. With not one evil thought for you; my love still remains

Holding on to questions which I know the answers will not come, only anguished cries of why beating in my head like drums. Will you ever feel remorse for discarding me like trash, for shattering my heart like tiny shards of glass, for destroying my trust in people and for taking away my laugh? Will you?

Losing It Already

Pain... Tension... Fatigue...Depression...

Anger, aggression, frustration; all these unwanted sensations.
Burning, hurting, tearing; My heart alone, cold and fearing.
Repeating, resisting, insisting; refusing to be denied its recognition
Frustration, confusion, delusion; to close my eyes and let time fly by.
Unfocused, unclear, out of control; these dreams are driving me insane.

Why won't you let me sleep, let me rest, let me forget? To eradicate, eliminate, destroy all my regrets? These memories inside, swirling, twirling; unwilling to reside in the corner of my mind! My world spinning, spinning, spinning, my sanity flying through the door; my reason, my logic, oh, it's tragic. Like fine sands running through my hands, I'm losing my mind.

Forget Him

Forget his name, forget his face,
Forget his kiss and warm embrace.
Forget the time you spent together.
Forget it all he is gone forever.

Forget the fact that he once cared,
Forget the love that he once shared.
Forget his love that once was true,
Remember now there is someone new.

Forget you cried all night long,
Forget him when they play your song.
Forget how close you once were.
Remember how he chose her.

Forget you memorized the way he walked.
Forget the way that he talked.
Forget the times he made you mad.
Remember how he made you feel so sad.

Forget the thrills when he said, Hi!
Forget the times he made you cry.
Forget the way he said your name.
Remember now he is not the same.

Forget you saw him yesterday.
Forget his gentle and teasing way.
Forget the things you had planned to do.
Remember now he is not with you.

Forget the times that went so fast.
Forget it all it is in the past.
Forget he said, I'll leave you never.
Remember now he is gone forever.

Forget the past that I once knew.
Forget it all leave it too.
Cause he no longer loves me...
..He loves you...

Tattered And Torn

Purity once had a name and beauty once had a face.
Life once had a meaning and once I was safe.
Once there was freedom and once I could laugh.
Happiness once was alive and once I had another half.
Once I shared his love, once I was by his side.
Once I felt I fitted, so quickly that died.

Now I needs to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart; one by one, piece by piece. I need to put it together again, somehow, someway. Each piece of my heart has a memory so true; each piece of my heart has part of you. All my tears won't keep you near and all my tears won't mend what's not here.

My heart is on this floor, shattered and broke. With each piece I pick up, I need to learn to let go.

All Dead Inside

So many years; so many tears. While I was crying, you were lying! Oh I was such a gullible thing.

Forget your name, that so sweet face; forget your kiss with your warm embrace. Before, I was precious; now, I am nothing. Had always thought that you loved me; telling me that you cared, no one could trust you or give you a chance but innocent I let you take my hand and deceive your way. You made my slow calm pacing heart dance, my body pulsated with so much romance. I didn’t know that all would go wrong while friends were the right ones all along.

I deserted them to be home with you but after a while you no longer stayed in. You went out most nights, not giving me a damn. I started to realize this man had grown cold. You returned sometimes to wash and be fed; not very often it has to be said. I knew all those times that you lay in the room that the scent on your body was not my perfume. No perfume to me did you ever send. Who was this woman, was she a friend? Is it her you have gone to now? Has it come to an end?

Don't you know broken hearts never mend? I may have shed tears and wept for hours, but now is the time to show some of my power. Forget. Forget. Forget. But remember you have chosen her and life will no longer be so much of a blur.

The feelings of the past will never last. Now I'm sitting here alone and crying. I feel the pain of my heart; the pain of my soul. Having nowhere to run and hide; no place, nowhere to go. Feeling lost all the time; all alone. Don't know who to turn to and have no reason or no will to live.

All the feelings I have left are gone. But why do I still want to cry? I am frustrated and wondering, so lost and no one cares…have no one or nothing for my life. It's all been stabbed by a knife in my back so I guess from the dying inside. I'll just wait, sit down and relax; no friends, no family, nothing but all dead inside.

Devastating

Last night was one of the worst nights I experience in recent years.

I got a call for a long lost friend. He was Kelvin’s friend whom we used to hang out together a lot. However, after the tragic incident, we stopped talking as I am then classified as the “slut”. I was extremely shock when I got his call and could not believe my ears then. He tried to have some small talk to ease the tension but I still couldn’t help but feel that something is very wrong. After a good 15 mins of small chat, he told me that he got a piece of news to share.

Ready…the girl who is actually with Kelvin on the night of the accident had surfaced. She is someone who I know dearly. My world shattered to pieces with millions and billions of questions going on. How did they know it was her? Why did she surface after 11 years? Why must he inform me? Why did she do this to me? How did they get so close? When did it start? Why did she act so innocent in front of me? Why am so stupid to realize it only now? Why now? Nothing can stop my mind my running wild. Out of all these, why did he did he do something so hurtful to me?

There isn’t anything left to live for now that I have known this. But I am in self denial. Perhaps he did not go out with her, perhaps this is just a scam; perhaps they are messing with me, perhaps…
I tried making up stories to make myself feel better but I am so affected that nothing else matter anymore.

God tell me what to do!

我真的不是你想像那麼勇敢

I have fallen in love with a new song...我不是你想像那麼勇敢. I could totally relate to it.



有時候太堅強 笑容卻填不滿眼眶
越是想要隱藏 歌聲就唱的更響亮
直到入到心底最深處 OH~
你不要追問我 還缺了些什麼

每個人都有夢 幸福總站在最遠方
心中越是渴望 越是不敢伸手擁抱
誰的心是我最後一站 OH~
我強問我自己 現在還沒有個答案

我不是你想像那麼勇敢
多想讓你保護能流淚一場
讓我放下武裝 像個孩子一樣
單純的把愛情放在你心上

每個人都有夢 幸福總站在最遠方
心中越是渴望 越是不敢伸手擁抱
誰的心是我最後一站 OH~
我強問我自己 現在還沒有個答案

我不是你想像那麼勇敢
多想讓你保護能流淚一場
讓我放下武裝 像個孩子一樣
單純的把愛情放在你心上

OH~
我不是你想像總是扮演堅強
多想讓你知道我也要個伴
放下討厭武裝 像個孩子一樣
單純的把愛情放在你心上

我不是你想像的那麼勇敢