Desperate And Despair

Today I wanted to write a story about you and me. A story of the beginning when we first met, the courting days, the dating days and the days you left without a word. I wanted to have something tangible to remind me of all the beautiful things that you have done for me and the ways that you have brighten my days.

I tried for a good 5 hours but I am simply lost at words. I only managed to write two paragraphs. There is no ways I can continue. The memory is vague. With all my strength, I forced myself to remember the tiniest details but I can’t.

I came to realize that man could never fight with time. Time is a scary thing that everyone take it for granted. Time has slowly taken you away from me. Bit by bit. Everything is no longer as distinctive as it used to be. No…this is not the way I want it to be.

I once told myself that I will never forget you, the things that you have done, the time that we spend, the love that we had. I will remember you every moment till the end of time. Nevertheless, time has taken you away without any awareness. What am I suppose to do. I have already lost you in person; I cannot afford to lose you in my memory.

My dear, I am desperate and in much despair. Please come back to me.

The Heart Shattering Moment

Taking this picture is difficult. But I have to as I need to remind myself that I am never letting this happen, ever. He is due to remove the tube tomorrow. I cannot bring myself to see the procedure again. Mambo, be brave and strong. You can go through this.

Ripping Me Apart

Tears are dried but memories fresh...

A part of me is ripped away the moment Mambo is injured. All these dated back to 7th April 2008 at 2215 hrs. Mambo and Snowy just came back from their usual walk. I cleaned up Mambo and gave him a little treats for being so fantastic. I was about to go to the bathroom right outside my room. The moment I opened the door, Whisky dashes in. Without warning, he is at Mambo's. My sister and myself put them away from each other and I close the door to check on Mambo.

I saw him all shaken up. He has fear written all over his tiny face. I though it was due to the trauma 14 days ago when he got bitten by Whisky. Then I notice that his neck is wet and he is shivering, I assume that he is just shaken and took a tissue to wipe off the "sweat" I was shocked when I saw blood.

Immediately, I scream for my mom. I lost control and tears just rolled down my cheek. I thought it was the old wound that has been ripped apart. But no... it was a new wound, a very big open wound around his neck. I panic. Rush him to the hospital. had no control over myself and was totally freaked out. I am not gonna lose Mambo like this.

The Vet took a serious look at him and took me that he had to go through a procedure. His face has turned purple due to a lost of oxygen and he was put away in a oxygen mask. The wound is very near to the windpipe and thus they have to perform a procedure to make sure that no major artery is tear. I was told I couldn't stay around for the procedure and have to leave.

I stay for an hour longer. I just want to make sure that he is okay. Keep talking to Mambo to make sure he still has awareness. Told him that he must be strong and pulled through this, there is nothing left for me without him. Cried the entire night.

Leaving with no other option, I head home first but I make the Vet promised me that Mambo is gonna be alright and to called me the first thing after the procedure. I waited till about 6 in the morning when she finally called. She told me that the procedure is a success and that Mambo is really really lucky this time. He could have lost his life if the bite goes 4mm deeper. I am relived but I couldn’t imagine the pain that will come later.

I rush to discharge him from the hospital. I saw the operation scar. It was way wider then the wound. The bite wound is just 1/3 of the length they opened him up. There was two tube around his neck to drain the fluid from the wound. One in his upper neck the other is around the throat. The moment Mambo saw me, he moaned and tear. I cried too, I couldn’t bare to see him go through this at this age. He just grabs me and keep licking me. All that I want was to bring him home.

There is as much pain in him as me but there is nothing compared to what he is going through right now. I petted him to bed but he is so restless and tired. Tears filled his eyes and that's mine pain.

A lot was going through my head. I couldn't sleep. What am I gonna do if he cannot go through this difficult patch of his life? What happens if there are any complications? What am I gonna do to prevent this from happening again? What if...A million what if come to me but all I know is that I am gonna protect Mambo from all pain no matter what it takes. No one, no dogs is ever gonna hurt him again unless they bypass me. Not over my dead body.

Oh God, please help Mambo through this. Please relieve him of all pain and cast them upon me. The fluid keep flowing out and each time Mambo will moan in pain. What can I do to help him. He is my life after my dearest parted from me, there will not be me without Mambo. I could not have pulled through those days without his companion. And I will risk everything to protect him.

Mambo, you are beautiful beyond description, too marvellous for words, too wonderful for comprehension. There is none like you, nothing ever seen or heard. Who can fathom the depth of my love. May you have a speedy recovery.