The Forsaken

Ladies out there, have you ever tried being struggled by a man; using one arm and all the force he could have and lifted you up against the wall? I did...the feeling is beyond description, lifted up in the air with no support other that that powerful and ruthless strength from the person I thought had loved me all this while.

Felt like struggling, but it’s only then that I realized that I couldn’t due to the lack of oxygen. Tried to resist knowing that I’m not capable of. The moment before I fainted, I’m thrown to the floor. The only thing left to do is using my hands to protect my neck and I’m left coughing my lungs out.

Using my hands to support myself, with all the remaining strength left in me, I tried to stand up. While I’m trying to do so, a forceful strength strikes me at the speed of lighting. “Ouch”, I scream in my heart. I can taste the blood with my tongue; I knew I’m bleeding. By the force of this slap, I fell back to the ground. He held me up again; I looked at his with hatred in the eyes and tears just river down my cheek as he steps out of the house.

Hiding in the corner of my room, looking at the four walls that now seem so unfamiliar; cold, distant with bits and piece of fated memories of how it used to be lingers around. Felt like screaming for help but not a word came out of my mouth.

My head is fill with stars, so dizzy, thinking that I’m dying soon. I seek for my protection angel, where are you? I’ve forgotten…you have forsaken me, leaving me alone to face this entire trauma. There I was, left alone again but this time, I’m relief to know that I’m now truly alone.

Thoughts just flood to my mind. Why did I marry such a demon? Was he the one that I pledge forever? Ain’t this all just a painful dream?

Standing in front of the mirror with no expression, I looked like a complete fool. Bruises everywhere, tears have washed away my make-up. I gently wash up and changed into my uniform. Sitting at the dressing table, I started to get myself ready for work. After putting on layers and layers of foundation, it just fails to hide the bruises.

Since you left me with no choices, I should not go out in shame. I removed the heavy make-up I’ve had. I decided to leave for work, showing all the bruises to everyone. The journey to office seems to be endless. Everyone look at me with curiosity, I want to run, hide somewhere but its all-redundant now. I should show the whole wide world what this devil had done to me.

Don’t it sound like what you’ve seen in the movies? I used to think so too and always wondering why didn’t the lady in the show fight back; but ladies, we can’t. At that point of time, your mind is blank; leaving you breathless and motionless. I feel like a porcelain doll with no strength of my own, my life lies with the person who seemingly owns me.

The Vow Is Simple

The vow is simple. Those who take it promises to stay together for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health; happily ever after. To honor and to cherish; forsaking all others and till death do us part.

The vow is really simple; finding someone worthy of such promises is the hard part. But if we can, that's when we begin to live happily ever after.

Every woman marries wishing that the vow is forever, the chosen one to stay forever but that's always not the case. At least not for me!

To really love and understand a woman, you got to know her deep inside. Hears her every thoughts, sees her every dreams and most importantly, give her wings when she wants to fly.
When you love a woman, you got to tell her that she's really wanted and that she's the one.

Women always needs somebody to tell them that it's going to last forever and that you'll always be together. You got to give her faith, tenderness and always be there for her.

May this someone who really knows how to love a woman savage all women!

Leave Me Alone

Eyes are tearing, papers getting damp, as memories flood to my brain. The joyful times we've had and the wonderful years we've shared. Peaceful moment; heart to heart, thinking that we will never part. The old days were so happy and bright. Oh! Everything just seems so right. But alas! Happiness was not to last.

Tears keep trickling down my face; you know it's breaking my heart away. How much raindrops fall on a dark and cloudy day, that's as much tears down my face when you left and went away. You left so suddenly without a word, leaving me to bear all the pain. You took with you my heart and those promises saying we would never part. Didn't we once pledge forever? Didn't we once said never?

Night to morning, day to day, I pray that you will still remain. You are everything I want to be, everything I know I could never be. But my dear, never say never as we now stand distant, miles apart. It hurts me so much in the heart, so bad, I thought I could've die. Life without you was not the same.

Though these years, I have outgrown that lie. You came back and said you were sorry. Saying you will never hurt me the way you did before. I understand and forgave you but I rather age alone than have you back in my life. The physical and emotional healing was long and hard, but I managed to survive the unbearable pain.

What you've done to me was wrong and I would never let it happen again. Maybe we are better off each other; maybe I should have had you as my sworn brother. Maybe it was really never meant to be; maybe you never did love me. Maybe the change was good for you, maybe the change I needed too.

But here's what I tell myself, forget you and take this as a lesson. Forget your name; forget your face; forget your love that I was once deceived. Forget you've said you'd never leave me and forget that I've cried all night long. Forget the love that is now long gone and remember only that you've left since then.

It's all recorded in the past. Now that you are gone, I know I must be strong. I shouldn't let love run my life and I shouldn't let you deceived me any further. Maybe I will get back to my life and forget about this entire painful journey. But if you go on doing what you've tried, I might never ever appear at your sight.

Without Thy Angels, I Just Can't Go On.

Sadness in my eyes, no one guessed nor tried.

In my life, there have been heartaches and pains. I don't know if I can face it again, for every single memory has become a part of me. I have to take some time, some time to think things over and look around me again. Thinking back about the things I've learned from all these pain and tears, I think I'll never feel the same about anyone and/or anything again.

This mountain of unhappiness I must climb, feels like a world upon my shoulders. Can't stop, I've travelled so far to change this undesirable life. Maybe the clouds above will shine and keeps me warm as life get colder.

Thy Angels whom I'm seeking, I need your arms to hold me now. Through the kindness in your eyes, I guess you've heard me cry. The life is so cruel and nights so unkind. How can you not be by my side?

Don't leave me alone, alone with all these pain and tears. Come back on those cold, lonely nights. Come back and shower me with comfort when there's no hope in sight. Loveless and cold, come save my soul!

Bring back those nights when I knew you are here. Bring back my smile and take these tears away. Bring back the joy to my life and take back the sad word goodbye.

Without thy Angels, I just can't go on.

Seeking Angels

So tired of the straight line and everywhere I turn, there's vultures and thieves at my back. Spend all my time waiting for that second chance, for the break that will make it feel OK. There's always some reason to feel not good enough and it's hard at the end of the day. I need some distraction or a beautiful release.

The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies that make up for all that you lack. It don't makes no difference.

Trying to escape one last time. Memories seep from my veins. It's easier to believe in this sweet madness or this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees. Let me be empty and weightless. And maybe I'll find some peace tonight.

Hoping to be in the arms of the Angel far away from here. From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that I feel. I am pulled from the wreckage of my silent reverie. I truly hope to find some comfort in the arms of the Angel.

May peace and comfort come to me!